Updated: Aug 1, 2020
Do you know what a friendor is? It's something that everyone professional in the industry is so against that they came up with a name for it so that they can discourage the practice. Some wedding planners even have a "friendor clause" in their contract which states that their client is either prohibited from hiring friendors, or that there are certain restrictions on hiring friendors. So what is a friendor already?! A friendor is someone that you know on a personal level that you hire for your wedding or event. And yes, there is a difference between actually knowing a professional who's worked in the industry and knowing someone who is casually just starting out, doesn't normally work in the wedding industry, or isn't a professional. This post is dedicated to talking about the latter. Although hiring someone that is in your friend or family group CAN save you money, there is a higher possibility that it could ruin your wedding in the long run. Here's why hiring a friendor is strongly discouraged in most cases:
They'll want to party with you, but they were hired to do a job. If the vendor is a close friend or family member, chances are they are going to want to celebrate with you as if they were a guest at your wedding. This may mean sitting at tables with friends and eating with them during meals, or it could mean they're also drinking and doing karaoke with your guests. These are huge no-no's! You want someone who will act professional and not get sloppy at your wedding.
They may not be a pro. And it will show. Anyone have a random cousin who moonlights as a DJ in his/her spare time? Yep, same here. And I love my family, but I also can acknowledge that it's not the best look when a younger family member who doesn't work full time in the industry takes the DJ stand. Or is trusted to make a beautiful cake.
They won't be as motivated to put in 100% effort. Because they probably aren't getting paid much if at all to do you this "favor," it's possible that they won't work as hard as they would if they were getting paid the full amount from someone who they cared about making a good impression with. They know that you won't give them a bad Yelp review.
Some venues require certified professionals
It could make family or friendships weird. You might be extra cautious of being seen as the "bossy perfectionist bride" when it comes to how friends or family perceive you leading up to the wedding, so you may not be as particular as you should be when it comes to certain things. And if something negative happens with the friendor at your wedding, it could definitely make things awkward afterward.
Their style or vision may be different than yours. When picking out vendors for your wedding, you'll want to make sure that you pick vendors that are a right fit for you- both personality and style-wise. It can take some time to find the right fit, so you may not necessarily find that perfect fit in someone that you know.
So if you're considering going this route, please consider this question: you may be saving money, but when a good experience might be at stake, will it be worth it? If you answer "yes," please just be aware of the risk you assume. Hiring a friendor might be the route for you. Like I said before, there is a complete difference between hiring someone you know who is a pro, and hiring a friend or family member that you know who moonlights as a DJ, Cake Baker, Videographer, Photographer, etc just to get them a gig. Please keep these in mind. Until then, please subscribe to my blog for even more wedding tips.
Until next time!