Five Years Later: What Planning My Own Wedding Taught Me as a Wedding Planner

Five Years Later: What Planning My Own Wedding Taught Me as a Wedding Planner

On June 12, 2021, I married the love of my life.

Now, as we approach our five-year anniversary, I’ve found myself reflecting on our wedding weekend in a completely different way- not just as a bride, but as a wedding planner who now better understands the emotional weight couples carry throughout the planning process.

Our wedding wasn’t just any wedding. We planned it during the middle of a global pandemic, while navigating constantly changing restrictions, uncertainty, and the emotional exhaustion that came with trying to plan a celebration during such an unpredictable time. Somehow, despite all of that, it still became one of the most joyful weekends of our lives.

And honestly? Looking back now, I think the experience made me a better planner.

There are so many things I would still do exactly the same, a few things I would simplify, and several lessons I now pass along to my own couples.

Building a Wedding That Actually Felt Like Us

When we first started planning, we knew exactly where we wanted to get married: Spreckels Organ Pavilion in San Diego. We had always joked about getting married there because it was so beautiful (not knowing you actually could get married there), and having our ceremony there felt deeply personal from the start.

Once we secured the ceremony permit, everything else slowly started falling into place. We booked our reception at the Japanese Friendship Garden in Balboa Park because we loved the atmosphere, the proximity to the ceremony site, and the fact that supporting the venue also supported a nonprofit organization.

Very early on, we established two priorities:

1. We wanted the wedding to feel elegant and romantic.

2. We wanted our guests to genuinely enjoy themselves.

   
   

Not in a “Pinterest-perfect production” kind of way, but in a way that felt warm, intentional, and memorable.

As a planner, I now realize how important it is for couples to identify those priorities early. When you know what matters most, decision-making becomes so much easier.

Researching Vendors Was One of the Best Things We Did

We researched vendors obsessively. Honestly, probably too obsessively.

But years later, I can confidently say that hiring vendors we trusted completely changed our experience for the better.

Our caterer helped carry so much of the logistical weight. Our photographers captured moments we still treasure daily. Our DJ kept the energy alive all night long. Every vendor contributed to making the day feel seamless, even when there were inevitable hiccups behind the scenes.

One thing I tell couples now is this: your vendors shape not only your wedding day, but your planning experience too. Hire people who make you feel calm.

The Wedding Weekend Memories Matter Just as Much as the Wedding Day

One of the biggest things we did right was creating opportunities for people to spend time together before the wedding.

Because so many guests traveled to San Diego, we hosted a casual beach bonfire two nights before the wedding and invited everyone to hang out at the hotel pool after the rehearsal dinner the following night.

Nothing was overplanned. There were no forced games or awkward icebreakers. We simply created spaces for people to connect naturally.

And somehow, by the end of the weekend, complete strangers had become friends.

People exchanged phone numbers. Future hangouts were planned. Families blended together effortlessly. Looking back, those relaxed moments became some of my favorite memories from the entire wedding weekend.

As a planner now, I encourage couples to think beyond just the wedding day timeline. Sometimes the most meaningful memories happen in the in-between moments.

I Understand Wedding Morning Nerves So Much Better Now

The night before the wedding, I went into full planner mode.

I laid out bridesmaid gifts, organized breakfast, prepared detail shot items for the photographers, hung up robes and dresses, and mentally walked through the timeline over and over again. Even though I was exhausted, my brain simply refused to turn off.

I ended up having my two Maids-of-Honor stay with me that night, which ended up being one of the best decisions I made. Instead of spiraling into anxious thoughts alone, it turned into a fun sleepover filled with laughter and excitement.

The next morning, I woke up ridiculously early because I was too nervous to sleep. But one thing I did that I strongly encourage every bride to do: I forced myself to eat and drink water before the excitement of the day led me to forget.

As simple as that sounds, wedding days move FAST. Couples are constantly being pulled in different directions, and basic self-care often disappears completely.

Now, whenever I remind my couples to hydrate and eat something substantial, it comes from personal experience.

Doing a First Look Was Absolutely Worth It

One thing I recommend to couples over and over again now?

Do the first look.

I know it’s not for everyone, but for us, it completely changed the emotional pace of the day.

It gave us a quiet moment together before the ceremony chaos began. It calmed our nerves. It allowed us to actually talk to each other and soak in the fact that after all the planning, all the stress, and all the uncertainty, we had finally made it to our wedding day.

Looking back, those few private moments together are some of the clearest memories I still have.

The Things We Overthought

Like many couples, we spent a lot of time trying to optimize the guest experience.

We had lounge areas, welcome drink escort cards, foam glow sticks, photo booths, dessert bars, advice cards, song requests on RSVP cards… all the things.

And honestly? Some of it was unnecessary.

One of the biggest lessons I learned as both a bride and planner is that guests don’t need constant entertainment to have an amazing time. Most people are perfectly happy dancing, talking, eating, and celebrating with people they love.

We also learned that some details sound better in theory than in practice.

For example, asking guests for song requests created a wildly chaotic playlist that ranged from Journey to George Strait to Cotton-Eyed Joe. In trying to please everyone, we accidentally made things harder for our DJ instead of trusting him to do the job we hired him to do.

That experience really taught me the importance of trusting your vendors instead of micromanaging every tiny detail.

The Importance of Taking It All In

One piece of advice I’m endlessly grateful we gave ourselves throughout the day was this:

“Stop to look around and savor the moment.”

During dinner, during dancing, during quiet moments together- we kept intentionally reminding ourselves to pause and soak everything in.

Because the truth everyone tells you is absolutely correct: your wedding day flies by.

Five years later, I barely remember the tiny logistical things I once stressed about.

I remember the feeling.

I remember standing in the reception space before guests arrived and seeing our vision come to life.

I remember laughing with my husband at our sweetheart table while our caterers brought us drinks.

I remember seeing all of our friends and family packed onto the dance floor waving foam light sticks around and having the best time.

I remember dancing in the park after our grand exit because we forgot to actually plan what happened afterward. And watching the fireworks that miraculously started right after.

Those are the moments that lasted.

If I Could Change One Thing…

I would have hired a month-of coordinator.

Even as a wedding planner myself, trying to coordinate your own wedding while also being emotionally present is incredibly difficult. At the time, we were stretched thin financially and mentally from all of the pandemic-related changes and accommodations, so we convinced ourselves we could handle it.

And technically, we did.

But now I understand more deeply why coordination support matters so much.

Couples don’t just need someone managing logistics. They need someone protecting their peace.

Someone to reassure them when they’re overwhelmed. Someone to handle problems before they even know they exist. Someone to allow them to fully experience their wedding day instead of managing it.

Going through that myself fundamentally changed the way I approach serving my own couples today.

I would also have spent more on florals. I think more florals would have decorated the organ pavilion and the reception garden so beautifully if we only splurged a little more.

One Last Piece of Advice

After the wedding ended, we immediately shifted into honeymoon mode.

We drove home the next morning (from San Diego to Sacramento), unpacked wedding bins, panic-packed for the honeymoon, and left our house in complete chaos before heading to the airport.

The honeymoon was incredible and absolutely worth it-but I do wish we had slowed down long enough to think about preserving some of the wedding memories first.

I didn’t preserve my bouquet. We had nothing but a (clean) garbage bag to save the cake (and yes- we did eat cake out of that garbage bag the next morning before we had to throw it out). I barely looked through our décor bins before leaving for two weeks.

Thankfully, an incredibly thoughtful bridesmaid preserved flowers from our wedding and turned them into a framed keepsake we still display in our home today.

Now, I encourage couples to think ahead about the memories they want to preserve before the wedding weekend even begins.

Five Years Later

Five years later, what stands out most isn’t whether every detail went perfectly.

It’s the overwhelming feeling of gratitude.

Gratitude that we adapted. Gratitude that we were surrounded by so much love. Gratitude that despite all the uncertainty of that season, we still got to experience a wedding weekend that felt completely and authentically us.

Planning my own wedding taught me that beautiful weddings aren’t just created by perfect timelines or flawless details.

They’re created by meaningful moments, intentional choices, and the people who show up to celebrate alongside you.

And honestly, that perspective has shaped the way I plan weddings ever since.

If you are looking for a wedding planning experience that's rooted in experience and intention, I'd love to work with you!